José Antonio Kast "The Metaphorical" - "the President of Metaphors"
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"THE MAN RULED BY THE CALENDAR"
An absolutely serious chronicle of a countdown that ended up becoming a metaphor
For months, Chile believed it was facing a presidential candidate.
Wrong.
We were facing a talking clock.
—128 days left!
—126 days left!
—103 days left!
—90 days left!
Every morning José Antonio Kast crossed off a number and the country waited for zero like someone waiting for New Year's.
According to the announcement, when the counter reached zero, extraordinary things would happen: the border would regain respect, criminals would suddenly discover the benefits of prison, and irregular immigrants would understand that it was time to pack their bags.
The big day finally arrived.
ZERO.
The people looked toward the north.
Nothing.
They looked toward La Moneda.
Nothing.
They looked back at the calendar, just in case March had been suspended by decree.
Nothing there either.
Then, one of those miracles that only Chilean politics knows occurred: the countdown turned into a metaphor.
It turned out that the numbers weren't exactly numbers, the days weren't necessarily days, and zero, it seems, didn't have a constitutional obligation to be zero either.
A confused citizen asked:
—Mr. President, but weren't there 103 days left?
—Yes.
—And then 90?
—Also.
—And then what happened?
—You took the numbers too literally.
Since then, La Moneda has been considering replacing the Ministry of Security with a new public department:
Ministry of Promise Interpretation.
Its mission will be simple. When a promise is kept, it will be a promise. When it is delayed, it will be a process. When it proves impossible, it will be a challenge. And when someone remembers exactly what was said during the campaign...
it will be a metaphor.
Completely imaginary sources from the Palace claim that the Government is already preparing its next big countdown:
—30 days left!
—Until what?
—We don't know yet.
—And what will happen when you reach zero?
—That will depend on how you interpret the number 30.
Meanwhile, Juan Verdejo, sitting on the national curb with the newspaper under his arm, offers one final reflection:
—Look, Mr. President, I’m a simple man. If the shopkeeper tells me I have to pay in 90 days, I can't explain to him on the 91st day that the debt was a metaphor.
